Need more funny

There's an old story my Grandpa used to tell about a farmer's wife cooling pies on the window sill closest to the farm's pigsty. Czechs, for the record, cannot stand dirt and filth where it doesn't belong, so part of the humor was centered around flies who would come in from the pig sty and land on the pies. I can't even remember how this joke went. He'd enjoy retelling it, over and over again, sprinkling in descriptions about the richness of rural life, complete with flies and generous heaps of pig poop. It's not a funny joke, but Grandpa would always get us laughing out loud because it was the one time he'd say "Shit." And he'd say it loudly. So we'd all laugh.

I'm getting my old job back. It's a bittersweet story. I guess that's generally the case for the poor mug losing the job, good news for the person getting it back. And this replacement writer just wasn't funny. So today, I was told they wanted more funny. They needed more funny. Can you imagine your boss saying, "We need the copy to be funnier, can you do that?" Hell, you can make a joke out of just about anything.

Slugs and Snails

Ode to mucousligenous masses who commit poorly devised plots to eat my tender garden shoots. You are gonna die.

It may be one of these methods:
Toss into the blue to land on blackened pavement (Your home -- a mere shell -- becomes shell mosaic)
Toss into neighbors' massive laurel bush
Perchance you eat the Sluggo Plus? How's that little respite between the shoots, betch?
Plop into the garden composter -- a slow, hot hell of green plastico
No beer for you! But maybe a slow languid swim in a bucket o' water?
Toss into back alley where plant purgatory greets poorly planned blimps

Oh yes, say "bye bye."

ParentMap's Golden Teddy Awards

Here's a chance to blab about your faves. One of the liveliest reads in Seattle is holding their annual Golden Teddy Awards right now. You might even win something if you post your picks.
http://www.parentmap.com/raves/family-fun/raves/best-of-seattle-for-families-2011-parentmap-golden-teddy-awards

How to get rid of 15 months of Internet brain

Read something on paper
Run
Run some more
Dress up fancy
Run with your dog
Garden
Write something on paper
Blog about silly things
Don't look for another job... at least not yet
Call an old friend
Register for unemployment

Creativity

You know how sometimes people try too hard to be clever because they're thinking too much? Well, that's me right now.

Block! Experiencing a block.

Sitting in Purple, sipping a flight of Argentinian

That's just damn fancy for drinking slightly filled glasses of red wine. Four of them, all in a row. I may have to order duckling to tackle this.

Oh the pain.

Purple has a splendid tower of wine bottles sprouting up from the ground floor. Where I sit, in the lofted lounge, I can see the whole ground floor. Mikey should be walking through the front doors soon. He, like I, had a late Friday afternoon interview. Guess what the weather is outside? Raining. And I'm in Purple. So it's a good thing they're piping some good electronic groove in here or I'd have a serious attack of the 1980s in my ear. 

Could I, would I, get a job? I would love to work in Seattle again. Nice folks. But pretty darn corporate -- wonder if they liked me. Think I'll sip on more wine ...

Soon Merry will be replaced with Happy

Here it comes, a new year. Watch out. What the hell is going to happen this time around? I hope, at least, that we will have a summer worthy of tomatoes.