Soon Merry will be replaced with Happy

Here it comes, a new year. Watch out. What the hell is going to happen this time around? I hope, at least, that we will have a summer worthy of tomatoes.

Ditch the man

I had a startling wake-up call one morning. Stevie, my first cat with Mikey, was sleeping with his face on my pillow. Little kitty breaths on my exposed nose. The breeze woke me up and I was startled to see Stevie so close to my face. Even more so when I noticed how comfy he was, sharing my pillow with me. My girlfriend said I would have been more startled if he woke up and said, "Ditch the man," and then pointed at Michael. It's true. That would have freaked me out.

Bright New Year

You have a shiny, bright New Year looking you in the face and it's saying, "Hello." 
What's even more, it's saying, "I'm full of possibilities! You want to take a bite out of me, and nibble around the edges while you dream up your next greatest idea? Next project? That thing you have half glued in the basement? Your memoir?" 

I hope you finish it, even if I don't see you for a while. But if I do, know that I care, I won't make fun of you. At least in a very mean way. 

I'm like you. Trying to get that thing finished. 

Tootles.

Zeek

I love our new dog, Zeek.
He's a scary looking little guy, but he's got a heart of gold. An honest to goodness happiness-generating animal. And he's not driven to eat everything like our last dog Luke was.
Luke once grabbed a pizza off the top of the stove while I paid the delivery guy. When I walked back into the kitchen, the box was on the floor, the top still on. I reached down to pick up the pizza and found it to be substantially lighter. Luke had pulled the pie down from the stove, eaten it and then flipped the top back on.
Then he hid.
He was too freaking smart.
This dog is smart, but he's not that smart, nor does he like food that much. He just wants to be hugged. I love our new dog.

Poem my dad wrote

Oh goody, goody, we're going to try
an unusual way to poke out your eye.
A sharp stick, a hot poker, one we'll apply,
but we won't tell you which, it will be a surprise.

Feng Shui for freelancers

I have finally realized what's been wrong with my life:
there's clutter in the southeast end of my house.

Contrary to Feng Shui beliefs, the southeast corner is the one place where you should keep your life clean and uncluttered for wealth and prosperity. 

I've been dropping off my keys, glasses and loose papers in this corner because it's near our back door. What's even more alarming? This is where we store our tickler file of unpaid bills. Had we known the bad luck this would bring, we would have been keeping our buckets-full-o'-cash there. We might have actually made a profit last year! But the southeast corner is where the closet and the dripping coats live. It's where we dump our recycling and our reusable bags. And it's where we store our muddy shoes, smelly cleaning products and our dog's food.

Glad I figured THAT out.

The pilgrims prayed as the sailors swore.

Here's a story my high school-age daughter wrote when she was in third grade. I'm thinking of making it into a children's book for adults:

Katie Romoser
November 20, 2001

Chapter 1: Europe
In Europe towns folk were very sad. They were forced to go to an established church, but the towns' folk had different beliefs. They would hold secret meetings and got scared when put in jail by the king. The townspeople moved to Holland. (Some of them.) But did not speak Dutch. So they could not get good jobs, so they could not earn good money, and did not want their children to speak Dutch. In September 1620 their lives changed. They heard about a place called Virginia. They got a ship called the Mayflower and the Speedwell. But first made a deal that for seven years they would give fish, fur and lumber. Then they set off. Twice the Speedwell sprang a leak and had to head back. Finally they decided that the Mayflower would go alone.
OFF TO VIRGINIA!!!

Chapter 2: The Crossing
Once they were on board they were very happy. They drank beer and salted fish. Yuck! That was when they realized it was bad. It was beginning to rain. There was a huge storm! William Bradford, directly related to Hannah Jones (how would you know Hannah Jones? She's a friend of Katie's), helped people stay calm. When the storm was over it was only a little better. People heard rats scratching. The only thing the kids could drink was beer. If they drank salt water they would get crazy. A girl named Dorothy slipped on some ice and fell over board and died. Then during another storm the main beam broke. Some thought all was lost, but it was repaired by an iron screw. The pilgrims prayed while the sailors swore. During the third storm a man was thrown overboard, but managed to grab hold of a rope and was pulled to safety. Finally they reached their new home!

Chapter 3: The First Year
Finally they reached America. But they were way off course. They got off the boat and went off exploring. They saw a boulder and called it Plymouth Rock, and then they saw a broken down hut with big mounds of dirt. They unburied the dirt then saw a lot of corn! They brought 40 pieces back to the boat. Then when they went back to get more they heard a strange cry, they were Indians. The pilgrims shot guns and the Indians shot arrows. Luckily no one from either culture died. The pilgrims ran home. When they got home they found a new baby had been born, and called him Peregrine White. God be praised! Then finally their captain asked if any one of them wanted to go back. None of them did. About 14 days later, a bad disease spread and a quarter of the pilgrims died. Then one of the Indians came over. His name was Samosack. He taught them (the pilgrims) how to plant
crops and other things. Finally the pilgrims were happy, and free! (Totally free.)

Chapter 4: The First Thanksgiving
Once the winter was over, half of the pilgrims were dead, and only four women were left. The pilgrims decided to have a feast, it was called The First Thanksgiving. The First Thanksgiving was on the 22 of November. All of the pilgrims came, 90 Indians came to. Back then The First Thanksgiving was called The Harvest Festival. When everybody came, (there were no cars back then) it was from miles around. Everybody brought food because the relatives they visited are getting served their food, so they would bring food. So that it would be kind of pay off. So if they had been gathering food all summer they would not be wasting their food on friends or family. The feast would last 3 days because they usually do not walk about 5 miles to their relative's house and only come for dinner and then leave. So that is why back then Thanksgiving would last 3 days.

The kids would play games like grab a pillow (a very soft pillow), go to a very soft spot and try to push the other kids over. The men would shoot muskets (guns) and see how good they were at shooting.

The women would cook turkey and pie, those were the things that they would eat for the feast. The Indians would go and hunt for deer and meat.

FINALLY EVERYTHING IS READY!

THE END